nolite te bastardes carborundorum

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i want someone to hold my hand in crowded places & talk to cashiers for me

(Source: coolpixiekid, via bobbdylan)

Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?

(Source: antoinestriplett, via bobbdylan)


today my little brother (hes six) put a seashell to his ear and told me the ocean said im a nerd

(Source: milfhouse, via soulofsong)


kitten meeting the sun for the first time

(via soulofsong)


she loves flowers

(Source: slowlikehoney92, via dusted-fairys)


Why are khakis so expensive

They aren’t even attractive

Like pay me to take some of your giant surplus of khakis off your hands please

(via soulofsong)


when i find stretch marks on my thighs i make a point of smooching them because they’re just doing their best at keeping the all-powerful immortal Being within me from ripping my mortal shell asunder in a blaze of heavenly glory and eviscerating the cosmos in my divine wrath

(via wraychael)

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